Loon Calls and Long Balls — Week 2 Recap

Season 2026, 6 games, and a trading floor that would not sit down. Scores first, jokes second, leftover bench points last.

Hardware

• High score: Ben 10's Watch (Ben Rasmussen) with 141.88
• Paperweight: Go Sports Ball! (J D) with 62.30
• Closest game: CJ's Semi-Competitive Team over Bon Jovi's Stallions by 0.40
• Mercy rule: Bjorn’s deep thoughts by 44.62
• Player of the week: Jaxon Smith-Njigba (42.50)
• Bench war crime: Jared Goff scored 29.78 in street clothes

The trading floor

2 completed trades cleared this week. If it did not process, it did not happen. The group chat can argue about the rest.

• Sep 17: Pineapple Power → Ben 10's Watch: Patrick Mahomes / Ben 10's Watch → Pineapple Power: Bo Nix
• Sep 17: Jack → Ben 10's Watch: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Sam LaPorta, Kenneth Walker III / Ben 10's Watch → Jack: Chris Olave, Tyler Warren, Jahmyr Gibbs

The games

Lubby 134.72 — Jack 131.04

Lubby beat Jack 134.72–131.04, by 3.68.

Competitive, sure. Clean? Absolutely not. Josh Allen went nuclear with 40.82. Sitting Brock Purdy (28.48) and still winning is a flex with a paper cut. DeVonta Smith posted 27.70 and made it look easy, which is rude. Jared Goff dropped 29.78 in street clothes. That is a lineup felony.

Ben 10's Watch 141.88 — Jon's Super Team 132.78

Ben 10's Watch beat Jon's Super Team 141.88–132.78, by 9.10.

Ben 10's Watch sent Jon's Super Team an invoice for 9.10 points and it cleared. Ben 10's Watch did not need a tenth alien for this one. Jaxon Smith-Njigba dropped 42.50 like the defense owed him money. Chiefs D/ST chipped in 1.00, mostly as a conversation piece. The Super part of Jon's Super Team is currently in committee. The entire building ran through Amon-Ra St. Brown (35.20). Rhamondre Stevenson finished at 3.60 and still got the green light. Faith-based roster building.

AI Overlords 95.88 — Jimothy 83.28

AI Overlords beat Jimothy 95.88–83.28, by 12.60.

AI Overlords won by 12.60, which is the football equivalent of a long awkward hug. The overlords have been overlorded. Somebody pull the plug and plug it back in. The ‘lead’ scorer was Derrick Henry at 17.70. That is a whisper, not a lead. Saquon Barkley found 3.00 yards of disappointment and called it a day. The box score ran through James Cook III (20.90). Flexing Malik Nabers (1.10) is a choice you can make. It is not a good one.

Pineapple Power 103.86 — $traight Cash Homies 86.80

Pineapple Power beat $traight Cash Homies 103.86–86.80, by 17.06.

Nobody in this game is putting it on a T-shirt. Davante Adams piled up 39.50, a number that looks like a typo until you check twice. Buccaneers D/ST went 4.00 and left the bill on the table. $traight Cash Homies got paid. The receipt is the box score. Trey McBride did 18.10 of honest work and left the rest of the roster to file paperwork. You sat George Kittle (18.00). The bench is not witness protection.

Bjorn’s deep thoughts 106.92 — Go Sports Ball! 62.30

Bjorn’s deep thoughts beat Go Sports Ball! 106.92–62.30, by 44.62.

This was the game they play in the parking lot after the real games end. Bjorn’s deep thoughts thought deeply, then scored 106.92 anyway. Christian McCaffrey put up 22.60, which in Week 1 counts as a personality. Parking Bryce Young (24.08) is how you turn a win into a TED Talk about process. When you name a team Go Sports Ball! and score 62.30, the ball went. Omarion Hampton (17.50) was the only adult in a very small room. Puka Nacua put up a clean zero. Minimalist. Cowardly.

CJ's Semi-Competitive Team 115.56 — Bon Jovi's Stallions 115.16

CJ's Semi-Competitive Team beat Bon Jovi's Stallions 115.56–115.16, by 0.40.

Closest game of the week, which in this league still means 0.40 points and two benches full of unused touchdowns. CJ's Semi-Competitive Team remains, as advertised, only semi. CeeDee Lamb posted 35.30. That is not a game log. That is a stickup. Parker Washington scoring 16.80 unused was just showing off. Dak Prescott led with 29.76. Everyone else was in the splash zone. Tyler Shough’s 22.38 on the pine is going to live in a group text at 11:47 p.m.

Special awards

These did not fit on the main trophy table. That is the point.

• Moral victory, zero wins: Jon's Super Team put up 132.78 and still lost. That is a buffet with no plate. The standings did not RSVP.
• Quietest heist: AI Overlords won with 95.88. No parade. No float. Just a W and a polite cough.
• Decibels, no trophy: Lubby and Jack combined for 265.76. Not the closest game. Just the loudest remaining room.
• New toy, old cushion: Pineapple Power just traded for Bo Nix and immediately sat him for 14.12. The receipt is still in the bag.
• Silver medal, still a felony: Josh Allen posted 40.82 and still was not player of the week. Somebody else hogged the headline. This is the participation trophy that scores 40.

Board after Week 2

Team	GM	Record	Week pts
Ben 10's Watch	Ben Rasmussen	2-0	141.88
Bjorn’s deep thoughts	Tom Morse	2-0	106.92
Pineapple Power	Jeff Dragsten	2-0	103.86
Lubby	Libby Larson	1-1	134.72
Jack	Jack Dragswiek	1-1	131.04
CJ's Semi-Competitive Team	cj kuhlman	1-1	115.56
Bon Jovi's Stallions	Sarah Dragswiek	1-1	115.16
AI Overlords	Russ Johnson	1-1	95.88
$traight Cash Homies	Josh Hinke	1-1	86.80
Jon's Super Team	Jon Meyer	0-2	132.78
Jimothy	Dylan Dragswiek	0-2	83.28
Go Sports Ball!	J D	0-2	62.30

See you next week. Set your lineups. The loons are watching.