Loon Calls and Long Balls — Week 3 Recap
Season 2026, 6 games, and a trading floor that would not sit down. Scores first, jokes second, leftover bench points last.
Hardware
- High score: Jack (Jack Dragswiek) with 135.46
- Paperweight: Pineapple Power (Jeff Dragsten) with 91.32
- Closest game: Jimothy over Go Sports Ball! by 3.86
- Mercy rule: Jack by 36.28
- Player of the week: Jahmyr Gibbs (41.40)
- Bench war crime: Brock Purdy scored 31.28 in street clothes
The trading floor
1 completed trade cleared this week. If it did not process, it did not happen. The group chat can argue about the rest.
- Sep 24: Bjorn’s deep thoughts → Jack: Michael Wilson, J.K. Dobbins / Jack → Bjorn’s deep thoughts: Blake Corum
The games
Jon's Super Team 134.20 — Lubby 116.76
Jon's Super Team beat Lubby 134.20–116.76, by 17.44.
Competitive, sure. Clean? Absolutely not. The Super part of Jon's Super Team is currently in committee. Kyren Williams posted 21.80 and made it look easy, which is rude. Mark Andrews found 5.40 yards of disappointment and called it a day. The box score ran through Ja'Marr Chase (24.80). Brock Purdy dropped 31.28 in street clothes. That is a lineup felony.
Jack 135.46 — AI Overlords 99.18
Jack beat AI Overlords 135.46–99.18, by 36.28.
This was less a football game and more a courtesy visit. Jahmyr Gibbs went nuclear with 41.40. Sitting Michael Wilson (25.90) and still winning is a flex with a paper cut. Eagles D/ST scored -1.00. That is not a defense. That is a weather event. The overlords have been overlorded. Somebody pull the plug and plug it back in. Joe Burrow did 22.58 of honest work and left the rest of the roster to file paperwork. You sat Jordan Addison (20.00). The bench is not witness protection.
Ben 10's Watch 133.30 — $traight Cash Homies 110.14
Ben 10's Watch beat $traight Cash Homies 133.30–110.14, by 23.16.
Ben 10's Watch sent $traight Cash Homies an invoice for 23.16 points and it cleared. Ben 10's Watch did not need a tenth alien for this one. Jaxon Smith-Njigba dropped 35.36 like the defense owed him money. Terrance Ferguson finished at 1.90 and still got the green light. Faith-based roster building. $traight Cash Homies got paid. The receipt is the box score. The entire building ran through Bijan Robinson (35.30). Wan'Dale Robinson’s 18.70 on the pine is going to live in a group text at 11:47 p.m.
Jimothy 120.82 — Go Sports Ball! 116.96
Jimothy beat Go Sports Ball! 120.82–116.96, by 3.86.
Closest game of the week, which in this league still means 3.86 points and two benches full of unused touchdowns. Brock Bowers put up 27.60, which in Week 1 counts as a personality. Emanuel Wilson clocked in at 1.40 and still collected a starter’s check. Parking Luther Burden III (19.80) is how you turn a win into a TED Talk about process. When you name a team Go Sports Ball! and score 116.96, the ball went. Sam Darnold led with 27.66. Everyone else was in the splash zone. Parking Aaron Rodgers (22.68) should require a written memo to the rest of the league.
Bon Jovi's Stallions 95.94 — Pineapple Power 91.32
Bon Jovi's Stallions beat Pineapple Power 95.94–91.32, by 4.62.
Sibling matchup. Sarah beat Jeff by 4.62. Drake London scored 28.40. Tyler Shough scoring 23.80 unused was just showing off. Davante Adams scored 20.70. The unused Bo Nix (24.14) outscored half the starting lineup. Cool, cool.
Open question for the commissioner of pineapples: which is more embarrassing — this photo, or losing to his sister? Bon Jovi’s Stallions did not need a power ballad. Pineapple Power needed a bag over the camera and the box score.
CJ's Semi-Competitive Team 107.18 — Bjorn’s deep thoughts 102.14
CJ's Semi-Competitive Team beat Bjorn’s deep thoughts 107.18–102.14, by 5.04.
CJ's Semi-Competitive Team won by 5.04, which is the football equivalent of a long awkward hug. CJ's Semi-Competitive Team remains, as advertised, only semi. Harold Fannin Jr. scored 24.10. The unused Jakobi Meyers (19.40) even got highlighted in the app. The win survived it. Christian Watson scored 22.60. Dalton Kincaid at 3.80 was the starter nobody will put in the group chat recap. Zay Flowers went for 15.40 from the sofa, which is not a legal formation.
Special awards
These did not fit on the main trophy table. That is the point.
- Quietest heist: Bon Jovi's Stallions won with 95.94. No parade. No float. Just a W and a polite cough.
- Decibels, no trophy: Jon's Super Team and Lubby combined for 250.96. Not the closest game. Just the loudest remaining room.
- New toy, old cushion: Jack just traded for Michael Wilson and immediately sat him for 25.90. The receipt is still in the bag.
- Silver medal, still a felony: Jaxon Smith-Njigba posted 35.36 and still was not player of the week. Somebody else hogged the headline. This is the participation trophy that scores 40.
Board after Week 3
| Team | GM | Record | Week pts |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ben 10's Watch | Ben Rasmussen | 3-0 | 133.30 |
| Jack | Jack Dragswiek | 2-1 | 135.46 |
| CJ's Semi-Competitive Team | cj kuhlman | 2-1 | 107.18 |
| Bjorn’s deep thoughts | Tom Morse | 2-1 | 102.14 |
| Bon Jovi's Stallions | Sarah Dragswiek | 2-1 | 95.94 |
| Pineapple Power | Jeff Dragsten | 2-1 | 91.32 |
| Jon's Super Team | Jon Meyer | 1-2 | 134.20 |
| Jimothy | Dylan Dragswiek | 1-2 | 120.82 |
| Lubby | Libby Larson | 1-2 | 116.76 |
| $traight Cash Homies | Josh Hinke | 1-2 | 110.14 |
| AI Overlords | Russ Johnson | 1-2 | 99.18 |
| Go Sports Ball! | J D | 0-3 | 116.96 |
See you next week. Set your lineups. The loons are watching.